


Scrupulus

by EbbaTriesToWrite



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Fighting, Kim Hanbin-centric, M/M, Misunderstandings, physical assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-09-02 15:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20248132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite
Summary: Hanbin wasn’t sure what it was about Chanwoo’s new boyfriend that made him so uneasy. At first he’d just thought it was his aversion to change that made him wary of Minsoo but as days turned to weeks and he got used to the man coming by he realised that wasn’t the issue. There was something about the tone of his voice that made Hanbin uncomfortable, it was almost patronizing but Hanbin tried not to judge him over that, it was probably not intentional anyways.





	1. Chapter 1

Hanbin wasn’t sure what it was about Chanwoo’s new boyfriend that made him so uneasy. At first he’d just thought it was his aversion to change that made him wary of Minsoo but as days turned to weeks and he got used to the man coming by he realised that wasn’t the issue. There was something about the tone of his voice that made Hanbin uncomfortable, it was almost patronizing but Hanbin tried not to judge him over that, it was probably not intentional anyways.

But then he’d gone and overheard a conversation and he realised his dislike of Minsoo wasn’t all that unfounded. He probably shouldn’t have been eavesdropping but his curiosity got the better of him.

_He had just been on his way to get a late night snack when he heard the tell tale sign of dishes clattering in the kitchen and hushed voices._

_“Be careful,” Chanwoo’s voice sounded light but wary, “the others are asleep and we have a schedule early in the morning.”_

_“Who cares.” Minsoo had scoffed and Hanbin frowned, “You guys should be able to handle working with little to no sleep. You barely do anything other that lip sync and look pretty anyways.”_

_Hanbin had expected Chanwoo to defend them. They had worked so hard to get where they were but they all continued to work themselves to exhaustion to get better, they had the drive to constantly improve. But Chanwoo hadn’t said anything about that and Hanbin frowned in confusion. Chanwoo had long since become a man of his own who was never afraid to speak his mind but he hadn’t._

_“Let’s just go to bed.” he had said instead and Hanbin quietly slinked back to his room. _

After that, the patronising tone didn’t seem as unintentional as Hanbin had hoped and little comments added up to be downright insulting. Hanbin couldn’t understand how Chanwoo was okay with his boyfriend constantly speaking badly about his profession but he supposed love could cloud one's judgement. And besides, Chanwoo was still young, Hanbin was sure he’d come to his senses soon enough and break it off.

Hanbin tried not to act differently around Minsoo, he really did. But the man kept giving him bad vibes and he seemed to pick up on Hanbin’s dislike of him and would glare at him whenever he entered a room. It was almost scary, the way his expression would go from so cold when looking at him to kind and happy when any of the others were there. It made him seem fake and Hanbin hated it. 

“You guys wanna come to a party on Friday?” Minsoo asked one night over dinner and the guys agreed excitedly. They hadn’t had time to just have fun in ages and it was in times like these that Hanbin hated being the leader.

“We have to work on Saturday guys.” he said and all of their faces fell, “But the weekend after should be free.” he tried to bring their spirits up and they only gave half hearted smiles at that.

“We can make sure to head home early.” Chanwoo tried and Minsoo nodded in agreement, “Or maybe you can try to reschedule whatever we have on Saturday, it wouldn’t be too hard, would it hyung?”

Yes it would.

“Why can’t we just go next weekend?” Hanbin asked instead.

“Weren’t you listening?” Minsoo suddenly spoke up, “I’m going out of town next week and I wanted to have some fun with Chanwoo-ah and his friends before leaving. Can’t you just put whatever practice you guys have on Sunday or something.”

“I would if it was a practice.” Hanbin didn’t mean to sound so annoyed but Minsoo was just so rude, “It’s a photoshoot, it’s been in the works for weeks and we can’t exactly show up hungover.”

Minsoo scoffed, “They can just photoshop you guys like they always do. You don’t need to pretend to be real just because I’m around. I know what you idols are like.”

“Excuse me?” Jiwon asked and tilted his head in question.

“Look I’m sorry if that came of as rude but we all know how much work goes into perfecting you idol’s images. I mean I can’t even tell my family I’m with Chanwoo.” he looked sad at that and Hanbin felt his heart tug slightly at the unfairness of it all.

“Hey babe,” Chanwoo said quietly and Hanbin chuckled when Junhoe pretended to gag, “Hanbin is right, I didn’t know it was a shoot so we can’t risk looking like complete messes.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Minsoo said and grabbed another piece of bread, “We’ll just go out after I come back then.”

* * *

Chanwoo always got anxious before shooting, whether it be for a show or just a photoshoot. The knowledge of having people look and critique every aspect of his appearance was nerve wracking and he seriously wished he’d taken Minsoo’s suggestion of sneaking out with him for drinks. But he also knew that would lead to precautions he’d rather not deal with, specifically Hanbin’s scolding. 

He couldn’t sleep and Minsoo kept sending messages and pictures from his night out and he could tell he was having fun by how the messages kept getting more confusing and the pictures more blurry. He smiled fondly at one of the messages from earlier in the night.

_I miss you_

It weirded Chanwoo out how Minsoo would change so drastically; being all dry humor and harsh comments one second and sweet and caring the next. He supposed that was what had intrigued him at the start, he wanted to figure the man out. He doesnt think he ever will but Chanwoo had always loved a challenge. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of the front door opening and he frowned when he heard a loud thud. He knew the other members were in bed and so he padded out of his room to check what was making the noise.

When he got to the hall he turned on the lights and frowned at the crumpled form next to the shoe rack. He recognized the leather jacket immediately and swiftly went forward to pick his drunk boyfriend of the ground.

“Chanwoo-ah.” Minsoo whined as he clinged to him for support.

“Let’s get you to the couch.” Chanwoo sighed and pulled him along to quite unceremoniously push him down on the couch.

He rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen to get Minsoo some water. He couldn’t believe he’d come home in this state. Minsoo knew they had an important shoot in the morning and now he’d used the key he was only allowed to use in emergencies to let himself in way past midnight. 

“Drink this.” he said gruffly once he got back to the living room and thrusted the glass of water in Minsoo’s hand.

The man seemed a bit more coherent after a few minutes and stared at Chanwoo with a look he couldn’t quite decipher. He kept his eyes locked to Chanwoo’s as he placed the glass down on the table before throwing himself forward and pressing his lips against his. Chanwoo had gasped and Minsoo used that opportunity to press his tongue into his mouth and the taste of beer and tequila made Chanwoo push him back.

“What are you doing?” he hissed and stood up.

“Come on.” Minsoo whined and stood up on unsteady feet, “You know you want it.”

“No Minsoo, I don’t.” he said and backed up when he tried to approach, “You’re drunk and it’s late. You can crash on the couch but I’m still mad at you.”

“Why?” Minsoo huffed and kept getting closer.

“Because I have work tomorrow.” Chanwoo rolled his eyes yet again but still reached out to support Minsoo when he stumbled, “Just go to sleep and we’ll talk about this later.”

Chanwoo tried to lead Minsoo back to the couch but the older man started holding him back and kissed along his neck, “Come on baby, just a quicky.”

“What is going on here?” Chanwoo’s eyes snapped over to the doorway to see Hanbin standing there with a disapproving look on his face.

“Hyung, I’m sorry.” he stuttered out and pushed Minsoo a bit away from him, “He’s drunk and he just needs to sleep it off, I’m sorry.” 

“What is he doing here?” Hanbin asked and crossed his arms across his chest.

“I just wanted to have some fun with Chanwoo-ah.” Minsoo slurred and stepped forward to grab Chanwoo’s but, making him yelp and bat his hands away as a blush spread across his cheeks. “You ruined that so I thought I’d do it now.” Minsoo continued, making Hanbin’s scowl deepen.

“Chanwoo-ah,” Hanbin started, replicating the way Minsoo had said his name, “has an important shoot in the morning and needs his rest. Like you should know.”

“Hanbin I-” Chanwoo started but Minsoo stepped forward and interrupted him.

“I don’t think you have any say in what Chanwoo needs, or wants, for that matter.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes and Chanwoo felt so incredibly embarrassed. He quickly stepped between the two men and pushed Minsoo back and finally onto the couch. Fortunately he let himself be manhandled as it seemed his energy got spent and Chanwoo calmly took off his boyfriends shoes. By the time he got him settled with a blanket and a pillow the man had fallen asleep and Chanwoo breathed a deep sigh of relief before turning back to Hanbin.

“I’m sorry he woke you up.” he whispered and Hanbin’s gaze softened.

“It’s okay, it’s you I’m worried about.” Hanbin sighed and stepped forward to put a hand on his shoulder.

“What do you mean? I’m fine.” he shrugged making Hanbin sigh again. 

“He seemed really pushy and the fact that he showed up like this, it’s not good.” Hanbin said and Chanwoo frowned at the concerned look on his face, there was nothing to be concerned about, “He’s not good.” Hanbin finished and Chanwoo reeled back at the statement.

“What are you talking about?”

“Him showing up drunk out of his mind, groping you. Not to mention all the shit he says about us being Idols. That’s not how someone who loves you acts.” Hanbin said and tried to place his hand back on Chanwoo’s shoulder but he pushed the offending limb away.

“That’s rich coming from you.” he hissed and Hanbin shrugged back in surprise at the harsh tone.

“What?”

“You’re like the rudest person in the world. You’ve said way worse things than he has and have the audacity to talk about how someone should love.” he said and almost felt guilty at the hurt look that crossed across the older man’s face. 

“That’s different.” Hanbin muttered.

“How?”

“It’s work.” Hanbin said, a bit more strength in his voice this time, “I need to be harsh so that we improve.”

“Whatever.” Chanwoo said and sat down on the floor in front of the couch, “Just go back to bed and leave me alone.” 

Chanwoo thought Hanbin would argue but instead he just heard retreating footsteps. He sighed deeply and glanced over at Minsoo’s sleeping form, he couldn’t believe this was how his night ended.

He sat there in silence for a while longer before getting up and refilling Minsoo’s glass of water and getting him some painkillers for when he woke up in the morning. With a final glance at his boyfriend he headed off to bed and was sure he’d actually be able to sleep now despite his earlier anxiety. This whole ordeal had really exhausted him.

* * *

Hanbin hadn’t been able to fall back asleep after he’d been woken up because of Minsoo. Seeing the man acting so pushy and forward despite Chanwoo’s obvious discomfort made him worried, being drunk didn’t excuse behaviour like that. The argument with Chanwoo surely didn’t help either.

Rationally he knew Chanwoo had just been defensive. And really who wouldn’t be, Hanbin had straight up told him his boyfriend was bad. It didn’t change the hurt Hanbin had felt from Chanwoo’s words. Was he really that bad?

Fortunately, his alarm rang before his thoughts could spiral further and he forced himself out of bed and as he went to the kitchen he passed by Minsoo’s snoring form on the couch and he couldn’t stop himself from scoffing at the sight of him. Yunhyeong was already in the kitchen, sitting at the island, lazily shoveling cereal into his mouth.

“Morning.” he said and raised his brows in surprise when Yunhyeong only hummed in response, “Why are you so tired? You’re usually a morning person.”

“Think I’m getting sick.” he muttered and Hanbin frowned at the sound of congestion and raspiness.

“How bad?” Hanbin asked and sat down across from him with a granola bar, “Fever? Sore throat?”

“No fever, throat hurts and I’ve got a headache.” Yunhyeong sighed and dramatically pushed the bowl to the side and folded his arms on the table and rested his head on it with a little groan.

“You big baby.” Hanbin said fondly, reaching over to pat the older man’s head, “Have you taken any meds?”

“Yeah,” he whined, “it hasn’t kicked in yet.”

“You think you can handle the shoot today?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Yunhyeong said calmly and Hanbin discreetly let out a sigh of relief.

They sat there in silence for a while longer, the only noise being Yunhyeong’s occasional groans and Hanbin munching on his granola bar, before Jinhwan joined them.

“What’s Minsoo doing on the couch?” he asked and Yunhyeong looked up.

“Minsoo’s on the couch?”

“He came here drunk in the middle of the night.” Hanbin said, rolling his eyes as he once again got annoyed by the fact, “You guys didn’t hear it?”

Jinhwan shook his head and shrugged before he started raiding the fridge and Hanbin decided he needed to get ready for the day and padded back to his room to grab a towel and a clean set of clothes. The bathroom door opened just as he was about to reach for the handle and warm air hit his face as Chanwoo walked out. He didn’t miss the cold look he got or the lack of greeting, but choose to ignore it in favor of washing up.

However, it got harder to ignore as the day went on. Chanwoo didn’t say a word to Hanbin unless he had to and kept as much distance from him as he could. The others noticed and kept sending confused looks his way, never to Chanwoo and the implication of that stung. They didn’t even know what had happened and were already assuming it was Hanbin that had done something wrong. 

It wasn’t until Hanbin was done with his solo shoot that someone confronted him about it and for once he was glad it was Jiwon, he’s the most laid back out of all of them. He would actually listen. 

“What’s going on with you and Chanwoo-ah?”

“We had a bit of an argument last night.” he shrugged and Jiwon raised his brows in question

“About?” he prompted.

“About Minsoo coming over drunk.” he sighed and raised a hand to card it through his hair but stopping when he realised he might need to take more photos and he really didn’t want to have to deal with the stylist’s rage, “I told him he wasn’t good for him, like him showing up like that really doesn’t show a lot of respect now does it?”

He wanted Jiwon to agree but when he glanced over at the older man all he saw was disappointment and he sagged back in his seat. 

“Hanbin,” Jiwon started with a sigh, “I get that you don’t like the guy but Chanwoo does. Even if it was disrespectful or whatever for him to show up like that, you gotta know people don’t exactly make the best decisions when they’re drunk.” 

“But you’ve heard what he’s said.” Hanbin said, desperately trying to get Jiwon to understand, “He doesn’t respect our work even when he’s sober.”

Jiwon looked at him and Hanbin felt relief when he saw realisation dawn on him.

“So that’s what it’s about, him not understanding what we do.”

Or maybe not. 

“No that’s not-”

“Look Hanbin our job is weird,” Jiwon interrupted, “it has a lot of stigma around it and you should understand that not everyone gets it. I’m sure Minsoo will come to understand eventually.”

Hanbin felt himself crumble. Of course Jiwon wouldn’t understand and he didn’t get the opportunity to explain it further before Jiwon was called over by the photographer. 

Hanbin slumped further into his seat. Jiwon wasn’t completely wrong, his main issue had been the disrespect, but after last night he couldn’t help but feel like Minsoo actually a bad guy. The way he wouldn’t stop when Chanwoo said no, it was scary when people were like that. But maybe Jiwon was right, people aren’t the smartest when intoxicated.


	2. Chapter 2

Hanbin didn’t necessarily enjoy clubbing. It was loud and hot and there were too many people. But they finally got the weekend off - after Hanbin had done some rescheduling - and the guys were excited to go out, and Hanbin had promised he’d come with. He really should write some kind of contract saying anything he promises while sleep deprived shouldn’t be morally binding. 

He’d only had one drink but was already feeling the slight buzz. He had a ridiculously low tolerance and he didn’t particularly like the lack of control that came with being drunk. The others didn’t have that same problem though and were already on their third round - courtesy of Minsoo. The man had been excited to finally get them to come along but Hanbin was still wary of the man. He hoped he wasn’t always the same type of drunk.

“I wanna dance.” Donghyuk exclaimed and Hanbin chuckled at the redness of his face, “Come on!”

“Yeah!” Jiwon and Junhoe stood up and the three of them left the booth to head to the dance floor where some EDM song was playing and Hanbin hated it. He couldn’t believe people called that shit music.

“I’m getting another drink, you want one?.” Jinhwan said, leaning over slightly so Hanbin could hear him and he nodded. He wouldn’t be able to deal with all of this being just a little buzzed, another drink would make it more bearable. 

Yunhyeong, Chanwoo and Minsoo were talking but Hanbin only caught a few words here and there over the blasting music and he leaned back in his seat to people watch. Maybe he’d be able to find inspiration here, everyone had a story and maybe he could figure one out from the couple making out by the DJ, or the guy seemingly hesitating on whether or not he should go up to the girl who kept sending him looks from the bar. 

Suddenly Jinhwan was in front of him with two colorful drinks in his hands and he handed one to Hanbin. It actually tasted good, the sweet fruity taste was a nice change from the bitterness of the beer he’d had earlier. 

Yunhyeong had gotten better a few days ago from his little bout with the flu an it seemed like the man wanted to celebrate because he stood up and tried to drag the rest of them with him off to join the others on the dance floor. Hanbin shook his head and said he’d keep their booth for them and despite the disappointment on their faces the guys quickly left. It took Hanbin a bit too long to realise he wasn’t alone at the table 

Minsoo flashed him a grin before sliding up next to him and raising his arm to rest it casually on the back of the couch. He didn’t say anything and sipped on his beer and Hanbin let his eyes travel to his friends on the dance floor. 

“They’re having fun.” he mused and Minsoo hummed in response, leaning forward to watch the scene.

Donghyuk and Junhoe were body rolling next to each other and Chanwoo soon joined in, pushing himself between the two and wrapping his arms around their shoulders. Jinhwan was grinding on a chick much taller than him, but they both seemed to enjoy it so much that it didn’t look weird. Yunhyeong and Jiwon were simply jumping to the beat, big smiles across their faces.

“You wanna join them?” Minsoo asked and Hanbin looked over at him before shaking his head.

“I’m not much of a club person.”

“Then why did you come?” Minsoo inquired.

“They forced me to.” he shrugged and turned back to watch the dance floor.

“Let’s grab a drink.” Minsoo said and pushed Hanbin to move so they could head over to the bar.

Hanbin wasn’t going to get anything but then Minsoo had to go and dare him to a chugging contest and his competitive nature kicked into gear. Minsoo ordered them two beers and as the bartender got them their drinks he let out a bark of laughter and turned Hanbin so he could see Yunhyeong twerking - quite well - on the dance floor. Hanbin laughed so hard he nearly doubled over and he locked eyes with Jiwon who smiled at him, waving for him to come over.

Minsoo thrusted a beer into his hand and Hanbin raised it and pointed at it to tell Jiwon he’d just finish this and the older raised two thumbs up and turned back to start grinding on Yunhyeong.

“The one who loses has to buy the other a shot.” Minsoo said and Hanbin nodded and turned so they faced each other.

He raised his hand and put up three fingers, counting down and then they chugged. They were a close match but Hanbin struggled a little bit with the taste and Minsoo won.

“Not bad.” Minsoo chuckled and beckoned the bartender over to order a shot for himself.

“Well,” Hanbin said with a chuckle as he pulled out his card and handed it to the bartender, “I needed to learn to chug between sets so I wouldn’t get dehydrated during concerts.” 

Minsoo nodded and the bartender slid the shot glass over and handed Hanbin back his card. Without as much as a grimace Minsoo downed the vodka and Hanbin’s nose scrunched up, knowing how horrible vodka tasted. 

Suddenly his mouth felt dry and he asked the bartender for some water. He felt impossibly hotter than he had before, and much more drunk. But he guessed it made sense, he’d drank more tonight than he’d had in years. The flashing lights seemed brighter and he felt a bit unsteady so he leaned against the bar and gulped the water down.

“Look at them.” Minsoo said suddenly and Hanbin followed his gaze over to his friends once again, “They’re having fun.”

“Yeah.” he said, tongue feeling heavy in his mouth and it felt like everything was sped up and going in slow motion all at once.

“Without you.” Minsoo was closer now, mouth right next to his ear as he’d leaned over to drape his arm around his shoulder.

“What?”

“It would be better if you left, wouldn’t it?” Hanbin looked at Minsoo in confusion, and everything spun just from the small turn of his head, “They keep glancing over because they’re worried about you. They’d be able to fully relax if you weren’t here.”

Hanbin found himself nodding. It was true. The guys had often joked about him being such a killjoy due to his dislike of parties, alcohol and clubs but they often tried to drag him along. Wanting him to enjoy himself. He always felt like he disappointed them after a night out when they inevitably left early because of him.

“You should leave.” Minsoo said and Hanbin nodded again.

On unsteady legs, he let himself be walked to the wardrobe and Minsoo had to help him get his jacket because he couldn’t quite get his fingers to cooperate in grabbing his numbered tag. The girl handing him his jacket looked at him worriedly but Hanbin didn’t have time to think about it as Minsoo led him outside.

“Goodbye Hanbin.” Minsoo said and gave him a little push before walking to the smoking square and asking for a lighter by one of the guys out there.

Hanbin stared for a while and Minsoo turned back to him with a grin and waved at him to go.

So he did.

* * *

Yunhyeong was really drunk. Way more drunk than he had been in what felt like ages. He considered himself a good dancer but with some alcohol in his system he had found himself ridiculous. He’d twerked and grinded and jumped and probably looked horrible, but damn if he hadn’t had fun.

They grew tired and thirsty on the dance floor though and headed to the bar to grab themself some water before going to their booth where Minsoo was sitting, nursing yet another drink. Chanwoo threw himself next to his boyfriend and gave him a kiss on the cheek making Yunhyeong chuckle. Who would have thought their maknae would be the first one in a stable relationship? And that he’d show so much PDA in front of them, though Yunhyeong supposed his drunk state made his walls crumble slightly.

“Hey where’s Hanbin?” Jiwon asked and Minsoo sighed.

“He said he was tired and left.”

“When?” Junhoe asked, some water dripping down his chin from where he’d gulped it down like a man in a desert. 

“Half an hour ago maybe.” Minsoo shrugged and rested his arm around Chanwoo’s waist, pulling him closer.

Yunhyeong frowned and pulled out his phone. They had a deal that they’d message each other when they got home if they ever left early and he should have made it home by now. 

There was no message.

“I’m gonna step outside, give him a call to see if he got home okay.” Yunhyeong said and the others nodded in understanding, Minsoo rolled his eyes though, Yunhyeong choose to ignore it.

The smell of smoke hit him once he got outside but the cool air felt nice on his skin. He tried calling Hanbin a few times but got nothing but voicemail and he felt worry claw at his insides. He knew Hanbin wasn’t a fan of clubs so it wasn’t surprising that he’d left but the man always let them know beforehand. 

“He didn’t pick up.” Yunhyeong called out over the blasting music and locked eyes with Jinhwan’s worried ones, “I’m going to go home just to make sure.”

“I’ll come with.” Jiwon said and pushed Donghyuk out so he could stand up.

Donghyuk didn’t sit back down and the others looked between each other and Yunhyeong knew a decision had been made. It had been supposed to be a night for all of them anyways.

“Guys come on.” Minsoo whined when Chanwoo untangled himself from him, “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“I won’t be able to have fun if I’m worried about him,” Chanwoo said and reached out a hand to Minsoo to pull him up, “and besides, it’s getting late.”

Minsoo rolled his eyes and smacked Chanwoo’s hand away, “He’s such a buzzkill anyways, let's just stay. He’s fine.”

“You don’t know that.” Jiwon practically growled, face red and Yunhyeong doubted it was because of being overheated from dancing, “We’re leaving.”

Minsoo didn’t but Yunhyeong was too angry with the man to care.

They found a cab rather quickly and thankfully the driver let them all pile in. It wasn’t legal but Yunhyeong didn’t really care, it was about a five minute drive and Jinhwan wasn’t too heavy to have in his lap, though Junhoe looked a bit uncomfortable with Donghyuk in his. 

Jiwon paid the driver once they reached the dorms and with some struggle the rest of them in the back got out. Yunhyeong really hoped they would find Hanbin passed out in his bed but they only got up the first flight of stairs when that hope went away.

Hanbin was laid splayed across a few steps and his hair was wet and he reeked of vomit when Yunhyeong kneeled next to him. Together with Jiwon he managed to turn him over and his face was pale but his eyes were open. Yunhyeong was relieved for about a second before he realised how unfocused they were.

“Hanbin, you alright?” he asked, a stupid question really and he got no answer apart from a groan.

“What’s wrong with him?” Chanwoo mumbled behind him and Yunhyeong hated that he didn’t know the answer.

“Should we call an ambulance?” Donghyuk asked and Jinhwan pulled out his phone.

Yunhyeong had dealt with his friends in all states of drunk but this wasn’t it. Something was really wrong. Even though Hanbin had a ridiculously low alcohol tolerance he hadn’t drank enough to be this gone, had he?

By the time the paramedics got there Hanbin had fallen unconscious. They were calm as they loaded him onto the stretcher and listened to what they told them about his condition. The paramedics were probably used to this kind of stuff on a friday night.

“We can fit one person in the ambulance but you probably won’t get to see him until morning, it might be better if you come then.” one of the paramedics said as he looked at them.

They all looked horrible. Their hair was a mess and they smelled of sweat and alcohol, the paramedics could probably see that they were all drunk themselves.

“I’ll go.” Yunhyeong said, “You guys go to bed and I’ll call you as soon as I know anything.”

The guys looked ready to argue but they also looked exhausted so Yunhyeong climbed into the ambulance and they were off. 

“He’ll be fine.” the paramedic in the back with him said as he held one of Hanbin’s wrists in his hands, presumedly taking his pulse, “I’ve seen many cases like this and he might be a bit weak for a bit but as soon as the drugs are out of his systems he should be fine. It’s good that he seems to have vomited, might have gotten some of it out.”

“Drugs?” Yunhyeong frowned and looked at Hanbin’s pale face.

“It looks like a regular date rape drug, men don’t usually get drugged as much as women but it happens.” the paramedic commented and Yunhyeong felt his heart rate speed up, “They usually get robbed though, he doesn’t seem too hurt though, luckily.”

_Luckily._ Yunhyeong couldn’t believe the paramedic was calling this lucky. They had been at the club together and at some point Hanbin got drugged and they hadn’t even realised. The _what if’s_ were running through his head and it made him feel sick.

Once they got to the hospital Yunhyeong was directed to the waiting room as Hanbin was whisked away by nurses. He felt gross and it wasn’t just because of a night out. He thinks he fell asleep for a while there but then someone called out for relatives of Kim Hanbin and he lurched upright.

“Yes,” he walked over to the man in the white coat, “how is he?”

“He’s going to be fine. We pumped his stomach and gave him an IV.” the doctor said calmly, “Now all we can do is wait for it to leave his system.”

Yunhyeong breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the doctor. The man must have been an angel because he led him over to Hanbin’s room and let him stay despite it being way past visiting hours. 

He pulled out his phone and sent a quick message to the guys, telling them what the doctor had just said. He sat down on the chair next to Hanbin’s bed and let himself slump forward. He still felt the alcohol in his system but he had sobered up considerably with the drama of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on my tumblr and twitter:  
Tumblr: kimseokjinismybabe.tumblr.com  
Twitter: @Ebbzon1
> 
> Please let me know what you think!   
xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

Hanbin felt like shit. His throat felt raw and his whole body ached. 

He blinked his eyes open and with a glance around he realised he was in a hospital room. It’s not the first time he’s woken up in a room like this but he usually remember how he ended up there. He didn’t this time and it scared him.

He racked his brain trying to remember.

The night out, the drinks. The last thing he remembered was the chugging contest and Minsoo telling him to leave and then there’s nothing. Why was there nothing?

“You’re awake.” a raspy voice calls him from his left and he realises Yunhyeong is sat up now. “How are you feeling?”

“What happened?” he asked instead and Yunhyeong’s face fell.

“You were drugged.” 

The simple statement left him reeling, “What?” 

“We found you at our apartment building completely out of it and called an ambulance. The doctor said it should be out of your system by now.” Yunhyeong sounded much calmer than he looked. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Hanbin said and Yunhyeong frowned but didn’t say anything.

They sat in silence there for a while and Hanbin took in the older man’s appearance. He didn’t look nearly as put together as he usually did. His styled hair from the night before was a mess; greasy and wild. His dress shirt was open a few buttons and it fell from his shoulders weirdly with how wrinkled it was.

A nurse came in to check on him and a couple minutes after that the guys showed up. They looked better than Yunhyeong by far but there were bags under their eyes and Junhoe looked a bit too pale for his liking. 

“You guys look horrible.” he said, trying to get a reaction so he wouldn’t have to look at their worried faces.

“Like you’re one to talk.” Jinhwan scoffed and sat down on the bed next to Hanbin’s legs, patting one of them gently, “How are you?”

“My throat hurts and my body aches but I guess I’m fine otherwise.” he said, shrugging.

“Do you remember last night?” Jiwon asked, seemingly afraid of the answer, “The manager said we could report it if you remember anything specific.”

“I remember having a chugging contest with Minsoo but then it just gets patchy.” he frowned, trying to figure it out, “I remember he told me to leave.” he added and looked at the guys for answers they didn’t have.

“I cannot believe you!” Chanwoo exclaimed and Hanbin jumped at the sharp tone, “That you’d try to pin this on him.”

“I didn-” he meant to say he didn’t mean it like that but maybe he did, he was the one who got him that last drink and he hadn’t exactly kept an eye on it.

“You are unbelievable.” Chanwoo scoffed, turned on his heels and left.

Yunhyeong sighed but stood up and went to follow the youngest. The look of disappointment directed at him did not go unnoticed. Jiwon had one too and Hanbin felt himself shrink in on himself. 

“I’ll go ask when you’re allowed to leave.” Jinhwan said and Junhoe followed him out, looking a bit angry and Hanbin felt tears in his eyes from the tense atmosphere he’d caused just by recalling what had happened. 

It wasn’t like he’d been lying. The last thing he remembered clearly was drinking that beer and he vaguely recalled Minsoo leading him out, telling him he should leave. But maybe he got it wrong, maybe it was the bartender who put something in his drink and Minsoo simply thought he was too drunk to stay. It made sense but also… not. Minsoo had seemed so excited about that drinking contest and his voice echoed in his mind with intent.

He shook his head to clear it and squeezed his eyes shut when his head hurt from the action. He really felt like shit and he could only imagine what he’d looked like the night before. He’d messed up another night for the guys because he couldn’t follow the first rule of going out: _KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR DRINK._ No wonder Chanwoo was so angry. He’d insulted his and Minsoo’s relationship and even though the younger had seemed to get over it, it probably didn’t help that he ruined one of the few nights he got to spend out with his friends and his boyfriend. 

“The doctor just wants to check you over once more and then we can leave if all looks good.” Jinhwan said as he walked back into the room, “Junhoe is gonna take one of the cars with Yunhyeong and Chanwoo, they’re ready to leave.”

“I’ll come with.” Jiwon said and stood, “Manager’s waiting in the lobby and he’ll take you back when you’re ready.”

Hanbin tried not to feel hurt by the others leaving him here. There was no reason for them to stay, and besides, Donghyuk and Jinhwan were staying, it wasn’t like he was alone. But Jiwon’s eyes had changed so quickly from concerned to disappointed and now he didn’t even want to stay to make sure Hanbin was okay.

He really tried, but it still hurt.

* * *

Chanwoo rang Minsoo’s doorbell and it took a while for him to open the door and when he did he was shirtless, a small smirk on his lips before he leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Chanwoo scrunched up his face slightly at his breath when Minsoo turned to walk back inside and he followed him.

His apartment was nice, courtesy of Minsoo’s father and Minsoo’s job as a PA for a CEO. It was actually clean for once and Chanwoo was impressed, Minsoo had a tendency to make a mess everywhere he went, the amount of clothes, empty cigarette packets and food containers he’d found in the dorms after Minsoo was insane given that he’d spend two nights in a row at max. 

“You hungover?” Minsoo asked casually as he turned on the coffee maker.

“No,” Chanwoo said and a yawn forced itself out, “just tired.”

“Same.” Minsoo sighed and leaned against the counter, stretching his arms above his head, “You find Hanbin last night by the way?”

“Yeah, someone had drugged him.” Chanwoo said and tried to convince himself the anger in his voice was just directed to whoever put something in his friend’s drink, “He said it was you.”

“What?” Minsoo said, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“Yeah, last thing he remembers is you telling him to leave so in his detective mind that means you’re the one who did it.” Chanwoo scoffed and Minsoo smiled at him fondly.

“I just asked him if he was tired and he said yeah and left.” Minsoo said, “I just thought that was it, I swear, I wouldn’t have let him leave if I knew he was drugged.”

“I know that.” Chanwoo said and stepped forward to hug him, “I know you’re not as bad as he says you are.”

Minsoo pushed his shoulders back so he could look Chanwoo in the face and he looked almost curious, “Has he said other stuff?”

“Just some little stuff, nothing too bad.” Chanwoo sighed and could feel annoyance boiling under his skin again, “But don’t worry, I know you better than he does.”

“The dude just wants to control you all, I swear.” Minsoo grumbled and rolled his eyes, “He thinks being leader in your little group means he can treat you however he wants, doesn’t he?”

“Well-” Chanwoo trailed off, he never knew what to say when Minsoo got like this. It was always these little comments that irked him but they were never completely unfounded so he couldn’t really argue. “I guess.” he finished weakly.

“You can’t let him push you around.” Minsoo said and placed his hands on Chanwoo’s shoulders before letting them slide around to wrap around his neck, “You deserve better than that.”

“Yeah.” Chanwoo said breathlessly - and excuse him but he’s got a shirtless man right in front of him, lips now inches away from his own. There was a click to his right and he smirked, finding an opportunity to pull away, “Coffee’s ready.”

“Damned birthday present.” Minsoo grumbled and Chanwoo chuckled as he grabbed two cups from the dish rack.

* * *

The doctor thankfully looked Hanbin over quickly and told him he was good to go before rushing off. The car ride back to the dorms had been filled with questions from their manager, none of which Hanbin could answer with certainty. He didn’t want to bring up his suspicions of Minsoo again when Jinhwan and Donghyuk were right there, and it was probably better that he didn’t talk about that at all. The repercussions if he was wrong and the others found out. He shuddered even thinking about it. 

When they got to the dorm he took his time in the shower. He was still exhausted but the hot water soothed his aching muscles. He didn’t know what the others were doing but he was acutely aware that Chanwoo wasn’t home. It worried him. 

He was terrified for Chanwoo if he was right about Minsoo being the one who had drugged him. A normal person wouldn’t do that and a good person really wouldn’t. Chanwoo didn’t deserve any less than the best and even if Minsoo had his faults Hanbin could see that the youngest loved him. If he really was the one who did it, Chanwoo would be so hurt and Hanbin never wanted to see that.

His stomach growled as he got out of the shower and he realised he hadn’t eaten anything since the day before, and they’d pumped his stomach to get the drugs out of him. 

He was just finishing eating some leftovers when he heard the front door open and soon Chanwoo peeked his head inside with a soft greeting only for his expression to turn sour when he saw who it was. Hanbin sighed when the younger promptly turned around to leave and rushed to follow him.

“Chanwoo stop,” he said, grabbing his arm, “can I talk to you?”

“Why? So you can accuse my boyfriend again?” he said but stopped and turned to face him.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Hanbin swallowed his pride, he didn’t want to be right about Minsoo after all, “I didn’t mean to make it sound like he did it. It was just the first thing that came to mind, it could have been anyone.”

Chanwoo sighed but he didn’t seem as angry anymore, “You should apologize to Minsoo too, he was really hurt when I told him what you accused him of.”

“Yeah of course, I will.” Hanbin nodded, “Is he coming over this week?”

“No he’s not,” Chanwoo said, voice chilling him to the bones, “he’s going on another business trip, like he said yesterday.”

Anger was quick to heat him up again, “Well sorry if my memory of last night isn’t exactly crystal clear.”

Hanbin left but he still heard Chanwoo’s muttered response; 

_And who’s fault is that?_

The anger was quickly replaced by hurt at that and Hanbin walked on heavy feet down the hall to his room once he heard Chanwoo’s door close. He supposed the younger was right. He’d been stupid the night before, drinking more than he should and letting himself be distracted. He pulled out his phone from the little zip lock bag that he got his personal belongings in back at the hospital and his thumb hovered over Minsoo’s contact. The faster he got this over with the faster Chanwoo would forgive him.

After a couple seconds of only receiving the dial tone there was a little click and Minsoo’s voice came across the line.

_“Hello?”_

“Hey Minsoo,” Hanbin said, voice weaker than he wanted it to be, “it’s Hanbin, do you have time to talk?”

_“Yeah, what’s up?"_ he asked, sounding completely disinterested.

Hanbin let out a deep sigh, he had never been the best at apologizing, “I heard Chanwoo told you what I said, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for accusing you like that.”

To Hanbin’s surprise that only sparked a laughter out of the man, _“How does it feel to not have them listen to you for once?”_

“What?”

_“They didn’t believe you, did they?”_ Hanbin felt his blood run cold at the almost teasing sound of Minsoo’s voice.

“What?” his voice broke and Minsoo laughed again.

_“It’s a shame really, Chanwoo always said your group were like brothers.”_

“You did do it?” Hanbin asked after a beat of silence and Minsoo hummed in affirmative, “Why?” 

_“Honestly, I was kind of hoping you’d stumble into a busy street. You’re damn annoying you know.”_

Hanbin felt like throwing up and he could feel his breathing speed up. The sound of Minsoo’s laughter was terrifying and with shaking hands he managed to somehow hang up.

He turned off his phone when it vibrated against his leg and curled up on his bed. He was grateful Jinhwan had bought him that weighted blanket, it usually helped him fall asleep as it kept him from twisting and turning in bed, but now he needed it to feel grounded, to feel safe. He couldn’t see his hands shake anymore and he focused only on his breathing like he’d taught himself to do. He didn’t want to spiral into a full on panic attack.

_Minsoo wasn’t here._

_You’re okay, the doctor said there were no complications. _

_Minsoo wasn’t here._

_You’re safe._

He repeated the thoughts in his head over and over until they rang true. He felt his body give in to exhaustion as his eyelids grew heavy, he didn’t see a point in fighting it and simply let himself sleep.

Maybe the morning would be better.

Only, it wasn’t morning when he woke up. It was halfway into the afternoon and he could hear clattering in the kitchen and music blasting through the wall. He sighed and wished his friends would be more considerate. He’d only gotten back from the hospital a couple hours earlier but that obviously didn’t matter to them. Maybe they were angry with him still.

He sat up on the bed as the conversation with Minsoo came back to him and he hated how scared he felt. He needed to tell the others about what the man had said but he only made it to his door when he realised; they wouldn’t believe him. They thought Hanbin had been trying to ruin Chanwoo’s relationship back in that hospital room, what’s to say they wouldn’t think he was lying now too?

He needed to figure out a way to prove to them what kind of man Minsoo really was. The rude comments he said wouldn’t sound believable as reasons for drugging Hanbin but there was nothing else the man had done that would make them take Hanbin’s side. Damn. If only he’d hid his dislike of Minsoo better, then the guys would believe him, wouldn’t they?

He shook his head trying to rid himself of the anxiety that was building the more he thought and padded into the kitchen when the scent of food hit him. Maybe eating would ease the nausea. 

“Hey Bin.” Yunhyeong said casually and Hanbin revelled in the fact that the disappointed look was nowhere to be seen, “Sleep well?”

“Yeah.” he croaked and Yunhyeong glanced over at him with a worried look.

“Your throat still hurts?” Hanbin nodded and Yunhyeong opened the fridge to pull out a jug and poured him a glass of juice.

“Thanks.” Hanbin said and took the glass as Yunhyeong turned back to his cooking.

He stared at the orange liquid and found himself hesitating.

He knew it was irrational. He knew Yunhyeong wouldn’t drug him but he hadn’t thought Minsoo would either and then he’d even given him the benefit of the doubt only for it to turn out to be true. But Yunhyeong didn’t find Hanbin as annoying as Minsoo apparently did, Yunhyeong wouldn’t want him to get hurt. He knew that. But his throat still closed up and his hands shook slightly. 

He left the kitchen without letting the glass touch his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!  
xoxo


	4. Chapter 4

“Minsoo came back from his trip early.” Chanwoo announced happily and Hanbin froze in his action of cutting onions, “He’s coming over for dinner.”

“But we were supposed to have a movie night as a group.” Hanbin knew he was grasping at straws but he didn’t want Minsoo in the dorms, he didn’t want him anywhere near himself and his members.

“Oh come on dude.” Jiwon drawled, wrapping an arm around Chanwoo’s shoulders, “Let the kid see his boyfriend, we’re leaving for Japan in just a couple days and he won’t be able to see him for so long.”

“I’m not a kid.” Chanwoo grumbled, “And it’s not like you can veto who gets to come over and when.” and like an afterthought he added, “Hyung.”

Hanbin wished he could convince himself that the tears gathering in his eyes were due to the vegetable he was cutting but the pain in his stomach told him otherwise. Chanwoo had thanked Hanbin for a apologizing to Minsoo - the man had obviously left out the majority of their conversation - but he still seemed annoyed whenever Hanbin opened his mouth. The amount of comments about Hanbin’s need for control had increased dramatically even though he had barely made any new decisions for the group without their approval. The things Chanwoo said sounded so much like Minsoo’s words and it terrified Hanbin.

_What if he starts hating you as much as Minsoo does?_

His hand slipped and he hissed when the knife cut his finger. He quickly backed away from the counter so he wouldn’t contaminate the food and let his finger rinse under the tap as he grabbed a paper towel with a shaking hand. It was just the pain that made him shake, nothing else.

“Shit dude!” Donghyuk said as he entered the kitchen and rushed forward, “You okay? Is it deep?”

“It’s not too bad.” he said and wrapped the paper towel around his finger before pushing past the younger to go find the med kit. 

He took his time cleaning up his finger and wrapping it up. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking as he kept getting reminded that Minsoo was coming over. The man who had stirpped him of his awareness and wished for him to die. He was terrified of the man but he’d never do anything with the others around. Maybe it was just a dumb idea he’d gotten while drunk, like a prank, a really bad one, but still.   
He was going insane because of all of this. He didn’t know what to do and he couldn’t talk to anyone about it. He felt completely out of depth and really hoped that Minsoo was just an idiot who was messing with him. He’d be able to deal with it then, but the sound of his voice over the phone still chilled him to the bones and he doubted it was like that. 

When it was finally time for dinner Hanbin opted to sit as far away from Minsoo as possible. The man kept sending him glances, as if challenging to say something as he kept his arm securely around Chanwoo’s shoulders. He kept fidgeting in his seat and Jiwon kept nudging him to get him to stop but when he sat still it was like his anxiety only grew. He needed to let it out somehow because he didn’t want to have a panic attack right in front of everyone.

“You want?” Chanwoo asked, holding out the large bottle of coke towards him.

“No I’m good.” Hanbin said a bit too quickly and stood up, “I’ll just grab some water.”

“Can you get some napkins?” Yunhyeong called out and Hanbin nodded.

He searched the cabinets for the napkins and after he found them he opened the fridge to get the water but froze when he noticed it had already been opened. He hated himself for being like this but the thought of drinking something that could have been altered made him feel sick to his stomach. He doubted anything actually had been done to it but it didn’t make the fear go away. 

“Need some help?” Hanbin tensed up at the voice behind him and slowly turned to face Minsoo, “You were taking so long we got worried you got lost.”

“I-” he was interrupted by the loud laughter from the living room and suddenly Minsoo strode forward, crowding Hanbin against the open fridge.

“He’s still mad at you isn’t he?” Hanbin couldn’t find his voice and Minsoo smirked at that, “Serves you right for trying to break us up.”

“Get away from me.” he said but it sounded pitiful.

“Oh you found the napkins.” Minsoo said loudly and stepped away, grabbing the napkins and walking away.

Hanbin slowly shut the fridge and on unsteady legs he walked out of the kitchen. The guys were smiling and laughing, stuffing their faces with food but Minsoo’s presence made Hanbin uneasy. He couldn’t be there.

“I’m going to the studio.” he said and all movement and sound stopped as they turned to look at him.

“What? Why?” Yunhyeong asked, looking like a confused puppy, “You haven’t even eaten.”

“Inspiration hit, sorry.” he shrugged, hoping it sounded as casual as he intended.

“Just eat a little first.” Jinhwan begged but Hanbin was already headed for the door.

“I’m sorry.” he said again and walked out.

* * *

Jiwon was worried about Hanbin. Well, that was nothing new, but with what had happened last weekend and the fight that was seemingly going on between the youngest and the leader made the worry tenfold. Hanbin didn’t like fights and even if he’d been in quite a few, he wasn’t very good at handling it. Jiwon had had to calm the younger down countless times when he started overthinking and blaming himself completely. 

The tears that had gathered in Hanbin’s eyes earlier hadn’t gone unnoticed and it was only to spare Hanbin some pride that he’d dragged Chanwoo out of the kitchen. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that though, maybe he should have made Chanwoo notice so he’d realise that Hanbin actually had feelings too. That his anger and annoyance was starting to affect the leader and it would inevitably affect the group. 

But Jiwon still saw Chanwoo as a kid sometimes, he couldn’t help it. He wanted to spare the younger of having to deal with arguing emotions, he knew it well himself. The feeling when he was pissed off at a valid reason but the anger caused issues that were far worse. He still remembered when Hanbin had messed with one of his tracks - one he’d actually been proud of - and he blew up in his face. His anger wasn't unfounded but the panic attack he caused Hanbin to have made him feel so guilty and as he’d calmed Hanbin down he felt like his insides were at war. It wasn’t a good feeling, so Jiwon had pulled Chanwoo away.

But then Hanbin left and Chanwoo and Minsoo had both scoffed when the door closed. Jiwon realised then that Chanwoo wasn’t a kid, he was a man and he was completely blind it seemed. Hanbin’s eyes had been unfocused and his voice shook but there was no recognition of that in Chanwoo. He was so clouded by his anger and annoyance at the older man that he didn’t seem to care that his friend was falling apart. 

Minsoo made a joke and Jiwon couldn’t bring himself to do more than chuckle softly. Chanwoo had grown harder since he started seeing Minsoo and it wasn’t like there was anything wrong with it but if Minsoo really was the reason Chanwoo was becoming like this, it would be concerning. 

Jiwon didn’t say much during dinner and Jinhwan kept sending him concerned glances but Jiwon’s thoughts were keeping him too occupied to try and ease the older’s worries.

* * *

When Hanbin stepped foot into the elevator of their apartment building he felt dread creeping up on him. He was pretty sure Chanwoo had said Minsoo wouldn’t be staying the night but he could never be sure. He had been pretty much chased out of the studio by a manager though and he didn’t have it in him to argue. He’d gotten a little bit done though so at least he would have something to show if the guys asked for it. 

When he entered the apartment he was surprised to see everyone gathered in the living room still - fortunately Minsoo was nowhere to be seen. Jiwon beckoned for him to join them and he settled on the floor in front on the couch to see them watching the final fight in Avengers.

Soon enough the movie was over and Hanbin stood up and stretched, cringing at the noise his joints made.

“I’m gonna go to bed.” he said, heading for his room.

“I heard you and Minsoo talking.” Junhoe spoke up and Hanbin froze, and he turned around, feeling a glimmer of hope before the younger continued, “You’re trying to break Chanwoo and Minsoo up.”

“I’m not!” Hanbin said and felt his heart clench when they all just stared at him in mixtures of disbelief and disappointment, “He told me himself that he was the one who drugged me, he said he had wanted me to stumble into a street that night. He’s dangerous.”

“Yeah really sounds like you’re not trying to get them to break up.” Donghyuk muttered and Hanbin looked at each of them pleadingly but he didn’t get eye contact with any of them.

“I think I read about this somewhere.” Jinhwan said after a while, perking up and Hanbin looked at him in confusion, “You’re traumatised right?” 

“I… guess.” Hanbin said uncertainly and Jinhwan smiled sadly.

“I heard that sometimes your brain can make up memories to make a situation easier to handle. Maybe that’s what this is?”

There was a moment of silence and Hanbin couldn’t believe that the others seemingly considered it.

“It makes sense.” Jiwon said and Hanbin’s eyes snapped over to him in surprise, “I mean you don’t remember who could have put something in your drink and Minsoo is the last person you remember so your brain is just putting the pieces together and making you believe it even though you can’t be sure.”

“But what about my conversation with him over the phone?” Hanbin asked impatiently when Jiwon finally stopped talking, “I remember that quite clearly.”

“Well Minsoo doesn’t remember the same thing.” Chanwoo said sharply.

“Because he’s lying to you.” Hanbin countered and to his surprise Chanwoo didn’t look mad this time, rather he looked at him with dawning understanding.

“Or maybe your brain is lying to you.” he said softly.

_They don’t believe you. They don’t trust you._

He swallowed around the lump in his throat. He had known they wouldn’t believe him and that, that hurt. 

“I’m going to bed.” he bit out and ignored it when Jiwon called out his name, he couldn’t talk to them anymore. 

His hands shook so bad he almost couldn’t unbuckle his belt but he eventually managed and crawled into bed. He could hear talking through the wall but couldn’t make out the words, he figured it was better that way. 

He shouldn’t have told them about his conversation with Minsoo over the phone, or maybe he should have, sooner. Maybe then they’d have believed him and not assumed that the little snippet of conversation that Junhoe overheard was the truth. Maybe then they wouldn’t have so readily agreed to Jinhwan’s theory. _Damnit._ This was so fucked up. 

And here was nothing Hanbin could do to change it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!  
xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

Chanwoo was kind of glad they were busy. The concert they had in Japan provided a good distraction from the drama that had been his night with Minsoo a few days before. Minsoo had been a bit too rough and made one too many comments and Chanwoo had asked for a break. And if he was being honest he wasn’t so sure he wanted it to end. His behaviour that night had been too much and it made every little comment and action that Chanwoo had brushed off resurface and he realised he wasn’t okay with it. 

But it didn’t make it any easier and despite it he still felt a glimmer of hope that maybe Minsoo would change if he truly cared for him.

He hadn’t told the guys but he knew they could tell something was up. Another reason why being busy was a good thing was that they didn’t really have the time or energy to talk. He knew they would make him talk eventually though but maybe by then he’d stop caring so much about all of it. 

He was glad he was a pretty good actor when they got whisked off to an interview after a quick rehearsal. He was tired and upset but easily managed to plaster a smile on his face as he tried to remember the little Japanese he knew. 

There was always an awkwardness during interviews, they could never really escape it, and it was always worse when there was a language barrier. But they were used to it and powered through it without any issues and the drive back to the venue was quiet and calm. Yunhyeong was sending him worried glances but Chanwoo simply turned up the music in his headphones and the older seemed to get the hint. 

Not for long though. As they were getting ready for the concert Yunhyeong made sure he was sat in the makeup chair next to him and Chanwoo prepared himself for the inevitable conversation.

“What’s been up with you?” Yunhyeong asked as the stylist curled his hair and the woman made an obvious effort to try to look like she wasn’t listening in. 

“It’s nothing.” he shrugged, “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Yunhyeong pressed and Chanwoo rolled his eyes.

“Yes hyung, it’s fine. I can handle it.” he got a pat on the shoulder from his own stylist and he nodded and got out of the chair, glad for the escape being done provided. 

Only he turned and came face to face with Hanbin.

“Handle what?” the shorter man asked and planted himself in the vacated seat.

“It’s nothing.” he said again and walked out of the dressing room. He needed to get some air.

He knew it would be hard to pretend everything was fine the minute he’d walked out of Minsoo’s apartment but he’d thought the guys would give him more space. They weren’t exactly the best when it came to confrontations and _feelings._ They really tried though, despite how awkward it could be, there had been enough fights within the group due to unspoken issues that they’d learnt they needed to talk. But those talks were usually too late and Chanwoo had hoped his own oddness would be the cause of one of those too late talks. 

He sat at one of the back exits for a while, just breathing in the fresh air knowing he wouldn’t get that for a long couple hours once the concert started. He wanted to feel excited about their performances, like he always did but his mind kept thinking about Minsoo and the last thing he heard the man say before he left.

_Don’t leave me._

It had been another one of those moments where Chanwoo couldn’t quite decipher the emotion in his voice. It hadn’t been sad like it probably should have been, and it hadn’t been pleading either. He didn’t understand it but he still felt bad about just leaving like he’d had. But he knew Minsoo would manage to convince him to take back the words that he meant - because he really did mean it - if he had stayed. Minsoo always got what he wanted and it made Chanwoo feel almost dirty afterwards, even if he’d agreed at the moment. 

The door to his left opened and he looked up to see Junhoe walk out. He sat down next to him and leaned his head back against the wall.

“Are they being too overbearing?” he broke the silence and Chanwoo saw him look at him by the corner of his eye.

“A little.” he said and mimicked Junhoe’s position, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see him looking at him with eyes that looked far too understanding to be Junhoe’s.

“They’re worried about you.” Junhoe said and Chanwoo let out a noncommittal hum, “We all are.”

“I’m fine.” 

Junhoe didn’t press and Chanwoo was grateful. He didn’t get to enjoy the silence for long though when a staff member ushered them inside to get the finishing touches done and then they were thrown out on stage. 

It was fun and Chanwoo was able to forget what he was upset about. He might have danced a bit more aggressively than usual but he chalked it up to the fact that they hadn’t performed in so long. 

But time passed quickly when you had fun and soon enough they were thrown into a van and sent off to their hotel for the night. Chanwoo was eternally grateful they weren’t forced on a plane that same night because he was absolutely knackered.

Hanbin, being the leader that he was asked them to come to his room after they’d washed up so they could talk about the performance and make sure everyone were ready for their travels in the morning. The shower had been nice but the warm water had made Chanwoo even more tired and Jiwon had to practically drag him along to get him to Hanbin’s room. 

The others were already gathered and to Chanwoo’s pleasant surprise there was food, and lots of it. They talked casually about their performance as they ate and fortunately they didn’t have much to bring up, they weren’t having a comeback and they’d performed their songs enough times that there hadn’t been any mistakes. 

“Can you please tell us what’s going on with you now?” Yunhyeong asked when the conversation lulled to a stop.

Chanwoo sighed, he didn’t really have an excuse to keep it from them, “Me and Minsoo are on a break.”

Junhoe choked on a spring roll and Yunhyeong’s eyes looked ridiculously sad from where he was peering up at him from the floor.

“Why?” Jinhwan asked hesitantly and Chanwoo sighed again.

“He was just being weird and he kept being so rude.” he shrugged, “I figured I should let him know when enough is enough.”

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Hanbin spoke up and Chanwoo looked at the older in shock, where had that come from?

Oh right. Hanbin still thought Minsoo was some kind of monster. They hadn’t really talked about Minsoo when Hanbin was around to avoid another confrontation, not that Hanbin had been around much since that night.

“No, he didn’t hurt me.” Chanwoo scoffed, but tried not to glare too hard at the leader, if Jinhwan was right in his theory then this whole issue was simply due to Hanbin being traumatised from the drugging incident, “He wouldn’t do that.”

Hanbin opened his mouth and Chanwoo was ready to hear him argue but no words seemed to be able to escape and he simply closed his mouth and looked down to his lap. 

“You okay though?” Jiwon asked after an uncomfortable beat of silence, “I mean, I get that you’re upset but it’s just a break.”

“Not so sure I want it to be just a break though.” Chanwoo admitted and shrugged, “But yeah, I’m okay.”

“But you were so happy with him though?” Junhoe said and he sounded confused and concerned, it made Chanwoo smile slightly.

“Yeah, but he was so damn rude sometimes, about our job and” he paused, trying to find the words, “well, everything. It made me kind of uncomfortable.”

“You’re better off without him.” Hanbin said and Chanwoo felt a bit hurt at the lack of emotion in his voice. 

“Hanbin, shut up.” Donghyuk said and rolled his eyes when Jinhwan hit him at his disrespectful language, “What? He’s being insensitive.”

“Just because you’re all messed up in the head doesn’t mean you can act like this.” Junhoe added and Chanwoo swallowed, not liking where this was going, “We know you were trying to break them up but you don’t need to celebrate it right in front of Chanwoo-ah.”

“I wasn-” Hanbin started but he cut himself off when he looked up to see them staring at him. Chanwoo felt a little bit bad at the hurt look that flashed over his face but he was tired and he was so over Minsoo causing issues in his life - even if Hanbin’s weird behaviour wasn’t actually Minsoo’s fault.

“I’m going to bed.” he declared and Jiwon stood up to follow him, “See you in the morning.”

* * *

Hanbin hadn’t told the guys he’d made requests for who they’d be rooming with. It was usually their manager who figured that kind of stuff out but Hanbin really didn’t want to room with one of the guys. Even though there hadn’t been any more arguments since Jinhwan took the liberty of diagnosing him, he still felt wary of them, and he hated himself for it. He tried to convince himself he just didn’t want to be caught having a nightmare - which had happened a lot in the week after that night - but it just hurt to see them act so weirdly around him. 

They thought he was sick and traumatised and had acted accordingly, which was bad, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as Donghyuk and Junhoe’s outbursts. It hurt that they though he didn’t care about Chanwoo’s state of being but he hadn’t been able to help it when the words just slipped out. He was so grateful Chanwoo wasn’t around that man anymore and seemed to not want to be in the future either. He just wanted his maknae to be safe, and Minsoo was anything but, even if the others didn’t believe him. 

He felt restless and was glad the guys had left so quickly they forgot about helping him clean up. It wasn’t really that much, but throwing the trash and wiping away the stains on the floor from their food was enough to keep his hands busy until he managed to calm down enough to lay still on his bed. 

Sleep didn’t come until much later though, and when Hanbin woke up he’d only slept for a few hours. Not nearly enough after the busy day they’d had before. But he’d functioned on less before and he decided to skip breakfast with the others. He didn’t want to deal with whatever they were going to say and he simply met them in the car when it was time to head to the airport. He felt their eyes at the back of his neck from where he was sat in the front but he just tugged his hood a bit further down and slid his mask up to cover his face. 

The flight back was uneventful and even though Hanbin was still exhausted he asked to be dropped off at his studio. He had heard the others talk about going out that night and he didn’t want to come, though he doubted he was even invited. Junhoe had said Chanwoo needed to drown his sorrows despite the maknae saying he wasn’t all that upset about the whole thing. They really just wanted an excuse to get drunk. 

Hanbin had picked up some food at the cafeteria before he went to his studio but despite eating his head still hurt and he felt slightly nauseous. He set an alarm and decided to take a quick nap hoping he’d feel better afterwards. 

And he did, for once. But he still wasn’t able to get much work done. He mostly fiddled with works in progress and got maybe a line or two down in his notebook before he decided it was pointless. He gathered up his things and was glad he’d wasted a good couple hours because the others would surely be out by the time he got home. 

He spoiled himself and took a cab home. It was dark in the dorms and he rolled his eyes when he turned the lights on and saw cans and bottles strewn around from the guys pre drinks. He was happy for them despite everything, they could let loose more when he wasn’t around. He still sent a quick message in the group chat telling them to be safe and keep an eye on their drinks, just in case. 

He went about cleaning up the living room and made sure they were stocked up on painkillers for the boys’ inevitable hangovers in the morning. He hoped they’d have let the whole conversation from the night before go after letting off some steam. He should probably come up with an apology anyways, just so things wouldn’t be so awkward in the upcoming week that was fully packed with recordings and dance practises. 

He’d just sat down on the couch when the doorbell rang and he groaned as he pushed himself up. The guys were rarely back so early but maybe one of them got tired and decided to head home, and forgot their keys or something. He really hoped they hadn’t actually lost them because it was such an ordeal to change the locks.

“Back so soon?” he froze when he realised it wasn’t one of his members stood in front of the door, “What are you-”

He didn’t get to finish his question before Minsoo was pushing himself inside. His eyes were wide and unfocused. Hanbin couldn’t tell if he was just drunk or on something and it scared him.

“Where’s Chanwoo?” Minsoo practically growled, eyes searching the empty living room and Hanbin strode up to him.

“He’s not here.” he said with more strength than he actually felt as he stood in front of the towering man, “So you can just leave.”

Minsoo stared at him for a long time and Hanbin wanted to back away from him but he didn’t want to appear weak. 

“You really love giving orders, don’t you?” Minsoo asked with a roll of his eyes and Hanbin’s brows furrowed in confusion, “Did you tell Chanwoo to break it off with me?”

“No, you managed that all on your own.” Hanbin scoffed and when Minsoo’s eyes went dark he knew he’d made a mistake, “You should just leave.” he repeated, voice a bit weaker that time.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do.” Minsoo yelled and a sharp pain blossomed across Hanbin’s cheek.

His hand flew up in shock and his cheek felt hot to the touch. But he didn’t have time to think about that because suddenly a pair of hands wrapped around his throat and he scrambled to get them off but Minsoo was much stronger and backed him up against the wall so hard Hanbin’s back flared up in pain. 

He scratched and tore at Minsoo’s hands but it did nothing to deter him. Wild eyes were staring back at him and he felt his own fill with tears as he couldn’t _breathe._ He mustered up as much strength as he could and thrusted his knee into Minsoo’s groin and the man finally let go as he backed away in pain. Now that nothing was holding him up any longer Hanbin fell forward onto his hands and knees, gasping to get air back into his deprived lungs.

He didn’t get much time to recover though as he was suddenly kicked in the side and he fell over. Minsoo didn’t stop kicking and Hanbin tried to get away from him but he still felt weak from lack of oxygen and the pain didn’t help. He could hear blood rushing in his ears and whatever Minsoo was yelling was muffled by it. 

It was terrifying and it hurt and he couldn’t breathe. Darkness was creeping in at the edges of his vision and he couldn’t even keep himself protectively curled up with how much he ached. 

A pain burst through his hand and Hanbin screamed only to get kicked in the face and then everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this sucked... :/
> 
> Come scream at me on twitter and tumblr   
Twitter: @Ebbzon1  
Tumblr: kimseokjinismybabe.tumblr.com
> 
> Or here in the comments  
xoxo


	6. Chapter 6

The bar they’d went to was just a couple blocks down from the dorm so they decided to walk home, or stumble home, in Junhoe’s case. Jinhwan wasn’t faring much better though as he clinged to Donghyuk for support. Jiwon hadn’t drunk much, still tired from their travels but the others had wanted to go so badly and he couldn’t just say no. 

Junhoe was talking about something as they neared the apartment but Jiwon couldn’t be bothered to decipher whatever the gibberish he was spluttering meant. He frowned when he saw a police car parked outside their building but it wasn’t really that odd of a sight but then he recognized another car outside the building and a feeling of dread washed over him. That was their manager’s van. 

Just as the realisation crossed his mind he saw the man walk out of the building after a cop and he sped up his steps. He could hear the others close on his heels and knew they must have noticed it too.

“Hyung!” he yelled as he was getting closer and the older man looked up in surprise but the expression quickly shifted to relief, “What’s going on? Why are there cops here?”

“Calm down.” he placeted and Jiwon took a breath and nodded respectfully to the police officer, “A neighbor called in a break in and Hanbin was a bit banged up, they brought him to the hospital.”

Jiwon felt like he couldn’t breathe. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that something might have happened to Hanbin because that was just something that wasn’t meant to happen, it wasn’t supposed to be possible. 

“He’s okay though, right?” Yunhyeong asked next to him and Jiwon startled, having forgotten that the others were there too.

“I don’t know, I got here after they’d taken him but I don’t think it’s anything life threatening. I’m heading to the hospital now.”

“Let me come with.” Jiwon said, finally finding his breath again, “Please.”

The others pleaded to come too but the manager took one glance at them and sent them inside. Besides, it would look bad if the whole group was seen at the hospital in the middle of the night. Fortunately the man took pity on Jiwon and let him come along.

* * *

The police officer asked them a few questions but there wasn’t much they could say about the incident since they weren’t there for it. Yunhyeong dearly wished they had been. 

When they entered the apartment it looked like nothing was wrong but then he walked a bit further and he felt like throwing up. There was blood on the floor. It wasn’t a lot but it shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Jinhwan actually did rush to the bathroom when he saw it and Yunhyeong couldn’t blame him.

He cleaned up the blood with shaking hands. The officer had told them they were done with their investigation and that they should report to them if they found anything missing or out of place. Yunhyeong was confused when he realised that nothing was wrong in their apartment except for the blood that was now just a thing of the past. Why would someone break in if not to steal things or trash the place?

His phone dinged and pulled him out of his thoughts.

_From Jiwon-ah:_  
Hanbin is okay but they won’t let us see him yet  
Manager-hyung is taking me home and will drive us to the hospital once visiting hours open 

Yunhyeong didn’t go to bed until he was sure everyone is safely tucked in - except for Hanbin, of course. Sleep didn’t come easy once he laid down but he forced himself to calm down. Hanbin was safe at the hospital, he was okay and their manager had told them he was pretty sure they’d get to bring him home in the morning. 

When he woke up in the morning he wasn’t sure how much sleep he’d actually gotten but the headache he had forced him to get up. There are painkillers out on the counter already and Yunhyeong’s couldn’t describe the feeling he got when he realised it was probably Hanbin that put them out for them. Hanbin was a pro at dealing with his member’s hangovers, being the one who drank the least and the one who cared the most, even if it didn’t seem like it sometimes.

The others joined him in the living room one by one long before their manager arrived, despite how bad they felt. Jinhwan and Junhoe looked the worst by far but they didn’t complain like they usually would. 

The drive to the hospital was quiet. None of them knew what to say and when they were finally showed to Hanbin’s room the words were still stuck in their throats. 

He was half upright on the bed, awake, but he wouldn’t meet their eyes. Yunhyeong was ashamed to admit he was relieved by it, none of them were very good at schooling their expressions and he was sure the others looked just as disturbed as he did. He knew Hanbin well enough to know he wouldn’t take those looks well.

But you couldn’t blame them. Not when there were ugly dark bruises covering Hanbin’s arms and a bandage over his nose, there were bruises under his eyes too. But that wasn’t what made them so disturbed, it was part of it, of course, but it was the red marks around his throat that looked far too much like handprints that made Yunhyeong want to throw up. 

“How are you feeling?” Donghyuk was the first to snap out of it, walking over to the bed and sitting down on the chair there and the others followed, circling around the bed.

“It hurts.” Hanbin said simply, still not looking at any of them.

“Who did this to you?” Jiwon said, anger coloring his tone but they all knew it wasn’t directed at any of them, it didn’t go unnoticed how Hanbin still flinched though, “Do you remember their face?” 

Hanbin looked up at the question, mouth open as if to say something but his mouth snapped closed as an emotion Yunhyeong had never seen before crossed across his face. Something between resignation and hurt, Yunhyeong couldn’t understand it. 

“I don’t remember.” he said eventually and his eyes closed, “I wanna go home.” he added, voice barely above a whisper.

* * *

After talking to his doctor and getting a prescription for painkillers, Hanbin was finally home. He went right to his room, ignoring the memories that flashed through his mind as he entered the apartment. He ignored the guys as well. He didn’t want to think about what had happened but his aching body made it impossible. 

Broken nose, minor concussion and three cracked ribs. That’s what Minsoo had given him last night and he hated the man for it but it was more than that, he was scared of him, of everything, of everyone. Minsoo had too much power over him. He’d manipulated his friends and Hanbin too, in turn. He hadn’t been able to tell them the truth at the hospital because they hadn’t believed him last time and he wouldn’t be able to handle their disappointed looks again.

Not when he couldn’t even curl up on his bed because he hurt so much.

The painkillers he’d taken in the car were starting to kick in and he started to feel drowsy and there was no point in fighting it. 

When he woke up it was to gentle shaking and he blinked his eyes open to see Jinhwan hovering above him, a concerned look in his eyes but a soft smile on his lips. Hanbin groaned as he sat up and he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see the pained expression on his hyung’s face. He had the right to be a little selfish so he ignored the voice in his head that told him to reassure his friend that he was fine.

“You hungry?” Jinhwan asked and Hanbin just nodded and followed him out to the living room. 

The table was piled with food but Hanbin just felt nauseous at the sight of it. He didn’t say anything though and simply sat down between Jiwon and Donghyuk. He was grateful that the boys quickly picked up their conversation from where it had dulled slightly when he entered. He wanted some normalcy even though he’d been beaten up not three feet away from where he was sitting. 

“Water or coke?” Jiwon asked as he poured himself a glass of coke and Hanbin felt his throat close up at the question.

The bottle Jiwon was pouring from was half empty and he could see that the water bottle was open too. He clenched his hands into fists to hide the shaking and shook his head making Jiwon frown in confusion. 

“I’m good.” Hanbin choked out.

“We might have some juice too.” Yunhyeong spoke up, making to get up.

“No.” Hanbin said sharply and they all froze, “I’m good, I don’t need to drink.”

“What?” Jiwon said and Hanbin couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t explain what was going on and he could see the concern in their eyes. He wanted to tell them it was fine, that he’d drink something later and that he just wasn’t thirsty but his voice wouldn’t cooperate as his breaths were suddenly coming in gasps. His heaving chest made his ribs hurt and it felt like Minsoo was kicking him again. The lack of oxygen reminded him too much of how he’d felt with hands wrapped around his throat and the memories made it even harder to fucking _calm down._

Suddenly a hand clasped over his forearm and his eyes snapped open, he hadn’t even realised he’d closed them, and he looked over to see Jiwon looking at him and his lips were moving but Hanbin couldn’t hear. The older guided his hand to his own chest and Hanbin realised what he wanted him to do. So he tried to focus on the beat under his palm and slowly the world was coming back into focus as his panting slowed down. 

When he finally managed to focus on anything other than not being able to breathe he felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He heard the others ask if he was okay but he forced himself up, he still couldn’t tell them. His sharp movements hurt and he groaned in pain but pushed forward and into his room, slamming the door behind him. 

He wasn’t sure of how long he stood there leaning against his door but eventually a knock pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Hanbin-ah, are you okay?” Jiwon asked but no one was pulling against the handle and Hanbin forced himself not to freak out again.

“I’m fine.” he said, voice raspy but still clear.

“Can I come in?”

“No. I’m fine.” he said again, placing a hand on the handle so he could hold it up if Jiwon tried it, “I’m tired, I’m going to sleep.”

There was a beat of silence, “Okay, just know we’re here for you. You don’t need to hide from us.”

Hanbin felt himself tear up at the words and he wrapped his arms around his middle as if that would somehow hold him together. When he was sure the footsteps from outside the door were really gone he laid down on the bed, cautious of his movements to lessen the pain. He had been awake for less than an hour but he felt completely drained and he ignored the dryness of his throat in favor of letting unconsciousness pull him under.

He woke up to screaming. It was piercing and filled with pain. 

Hanbin only realised it was himself that was screaming when his door slammed open by the familiar shape of Yunhyeong being illuminated from the light of the corridor behind him. But the realisation didn't make him stop. He was sitting up on the bed and his chest and throat ached, he knew it would ease if he just stopped screaming but he couldn’t.

Yunhyeong arranged himself behind him and wrapped his arms gently around him but it still hurt. The older man was shushing him but that wasn’t what made him finally quiet down. It was the fact that he couldn’t breathe and images of Minsoo flashed before his eyes and closing them did nothing to stop it.

“You’re okay Hanbin.” Yunhyeong whispered in his ear and it grounded him slightly, “You’re safe, it was just a nightmare. You’re okay. Just breathe.”  
Yunhyeong kept whispering reassurances over his panting breaths but at least there was oxygen in his lungs again. He could hear footsteps out in the hall but he didn’t bother opening his eyes to see who was there. He gripped Yunhyeong’s hands that were grasped over his chest and focused on the warmth they radiated.

“You’re okay.” Yunhyeong whispered again, “We won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

_But you did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think (I crave validation ... or critique if you hate it ig)
> 
> Twitter: @Ebbzon1  
Tumblr: kimseokjinismybabe.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

They got some time off but there was only so much time where they could all stay at home. There was still a comeback in the works and even though Hanbin was out of commission there was still things the rest of them should be doing. Jinhwan was a tiny bit ashamed of liking it. Seeing Hanbin… the way he was, was painful. It wasn’t just the bruises that had yet to fade or the wincing when his movements aggravated his ribs that was the worst of it. No, it was how terrified he seemed all the time, so on edge and guarded.

Jinhwan had woken up to screaming almost every night since they brought him home the week before and there was nothing they could do to help their leader. He’d simply stay in their arms, no attempt to actually seek comfort in their hold, until his nightmares faded or until he cried himself back to sleep. Jinhwan knew they should force Hanbin to talk to them, and he’d tried a few times but he’d just say he was fine despite the opposite being painfully obvious. And Jinhwan didn’t know how to get him to tell them the truth.

He thought they were closer than this, that Hanbin knew there was no judgement and that talking to them would help. But he also knew Hanbin had a habit of ignoring his problems and he hated to look weak, out of control. 

Jinhwan hated to see it too, but he didn’t want him to hide from them like he was.

* * *

They were scared to leave Hanbin alone, and they knew Hanbin was scared of being alone - even if he spent most of his time locked up in his room -, so they decided that at least one of them would be home with him at all times. Chanwoo didn’t actually think anything would happen while they were gone during the day but he supposed it was better to be safe than sorry. 

Hanbin had joined him for lunch and the show playing on the TV was the only thing that had saved them from an awkward silence. Hanbin had drifted off after they’d eaten at some point only to startle awake, eyes wide open and panicked. Chanwoo didn’t even get the chance to ask him if he was okay before he scrambled away to his room. 

Hanbin had been doing that a lot since the break in and it hurt to see him isolate himself so much. But Chanwoo thought he could understand it, he liked to deal with thing on his own too but he’d never been through something as traumatic as what Hanbin had gone through and everyone could clearly see that his tactic wasn’t working in his favor. He was losing weight and the bags under his eyes looked deeper than they ever had before, a constant reminder of the nightmares their leader suffered from.

Chanwoo had considered going to check on him but he knew there wasn’t any point in it, he’d just get shut out again. He had still stood outside Hanbin’s door to make sure the older wasn’t having a panic attack or something but there had only been silence coming from inside and Chanwoo figured he was okay, or as okay as he could be and he settled back down in the living room.

He was just scrolling on his phone as a mindless show played on the TV when the doorbell suddenly rang and he looked towards the door in confusion. They really didn’t get visitors and the only time someone rang the bell was when they’d ordered food. He rose to his feet and threw his phone on couch to go open the door when whoever was out there started banging on the door.

He rushed forward despite the bad feeling he got and opened the door and to his surprise Minsoo was stood on the other side. He was wearing a suit and his hair was neatly styled but he still looked wrong somehow, it made Chanwoo uncomfortable and all the ignored calls and unanswered messages he’d gotten from his ex went to the forefront of his mind. 

“Chanwoo-ah.” Minsoo drawled and pushed his way inside, closing the door behind him, “I’ve missed you.”

“And I told you that this is over.” Chanwoo sighed but Minsoo ignored him and walked further into the apartment.

“Are you alone?” Minsoo asked, looking around the room.

“Minsoo,” Chanwoo said sharply and Minsoo finally turned to face him, “you can’t just show up like this.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Minsoo asked angrily, taking a step closer, “You haven’t been answering your phone.”

“Because I’ve already told you; this is over.” Chanwoo responded calmly and it scared him how dark Minsoo’s eyes turned at that.

“You can’t just give up on us.” the older man grasped his shoulders tightly and stared at him with a look he couldn’t decipher, “This is Hanbin’s doing.”

Chanwoo jerked back from him, dislodging his hold on him and looked at him in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“His ideas about me got in your head.” the way he spoke almost sounded like that of a conspiracy theorists, “You didn’t care about the way I acted until you started listening to what he was saying.”

Chanwoo scoffed at that. This was exactly one of the reasons he’d broken it off, Minsoo really didn’t have any self reflection and he’d constantly undermine his emotions and thoughts, never believing Chanwoo was capable of having ones of his own.

“You should go.” Chanwoo said and grabbed Minsoo’s arm to lead him to the door but he jerked out of his hold before grabbing his shoulders again.

“You can’t just give up on us.” he said again and Chanwoo couldn’t hold back the roll of his eyes that time.

“He told you to leave.” a new voice spoke and Chanwoo looked over, surprised to see Hanbin stood in the doorway and worried when he saw how pale he looked, “You’d listen to him if you really cared about him.”

Minsoo still wasn’t letting go of him and Hanbin walked over to them but Chanwoo could still see the hesitation in his steps.

“This isn’t about you.” Minsoo practically growled and Chanwoo almost flinched at the raw anger in his voice.

“No, this is about Chanwoo.” Hanbin agreed, voice shaking slightly, “And he doesn’t want you here so you should go.”

“You know I don’t like it when you tell me what to do.” Minsoo finally let go and turned so he was facing Hanbin, taking a step closer and it made Chanwoo feel sick when he saw how Hanbin shrunk in on himself in front of the towering man, “Do you need me to beat you to a pulp again?”

Chanwoo felt like everything around him slowed to a stop when Hanbin took a jerking step back, his breathing speeding up.

“Again?” Chanwoo gasped the question out, looking between the men in front of him.

“The coward didn’t tell you?” Minsoo laughed, glancing over at him quickly before turning back to Hanbin.

“What are you talking about?” Chanwoo really didn’t like where this was going.

“Guess that makes sense, you didn’t believe him before either.” Minsoo said with a smile.

“Just leave Minsoo,” Hanbin stuttered out between breaths that were coming in gasps now, “Chanwoo doesn’t want you here.”

“You did do it?” to his own surprise it didn’t sound like a question. Everything was starting to make sense now and it made Chanwoo feel sick, like his whole world was turning upside down. The way Hanbin was pulling away from them, how scared he always seemed since that night at the club, it made sense.

“Oh come on, not like you care about the guy anyways. It would have been better if he choked on his own vomit after the club.” Minsoo shrugged, as if he was commenting on something as trivial as the weather and not admitting to hurting Hanbin.

“You- you were telling the truth.” Chanwoo looked at Hanbin and he felt his heart break at the sight of him, tears were streaming down his face and his breathing still hadn’t slowed down. Chanwoo took a quick step between them, facing Minsoo, hoping to shield Hanbin - no matter how late he was in doing it, “And you made me believe you instead, how could you?”

“He took you away from me.” Minsoo said it like it was obvious, “What was i supposed to do?”

“You’re crazy.” Chanwoo gasped and Minsoo’s eyes grew even darker.

He didn’t even see it coming when Minsoo brought down a hand on his cheek in a stinging slap before both his hands wrapped around his throat. But he didn’t even have to try to dislodge the grip before they were gone and a loud thud was heard. He was still frozen in shock as he watched Hanbin and Minsoo wrestle on the ground. He was only snapped out of his stunned state when Minsoo managed to get Hanbin under him, punching him sharply in the face and his side.

He forced himself forward and shoved Minsoo, hard, off of Hanbin and he didn’t know what it was that came over him when he found himself straddling the man, raining punch after punch down on his face. Minsoo didn’t stand a chance, he’d never expect Chanwoo to be violent, Chanwoo didn’t expect himself to be it either. 

The sound of the door opening made him stop and he looked up to see the others watching the scene in shock but his attention was quickly pulled away when he heard the sound of wheezing breaths and his eyes snapped over to Hanbin. The older was looking at him with half lidded eyes and there was blood dripping down the side of his mouth. His eyes squeezed shut as a coughing fit suddenly broke out and to Chanwoo’s horror more blood sprayed out of his mouth because of it.

He scrambled off of Minsoo to kneel besides Hanbin and he gripped the smaller’s hand in his, trying not to pay attention to the blood on his knuckles and the way they hurt.

“Call an ambulance.” he yelled desperately, looking up at the others and they snapped out of it, rushing forward and pulling out their phones. 

He trusted his hyungs to take care of it and looked down at Hanbin only to find him with his eyes closed, breaths coming in quick wheezing gasps. He reached a shaking hand to the older’s cheek and turned his face up, hoping he’d blink awake at the movement but there was nothing.

He could hear the others talking but the blood was rushing too loudly in his ears to make sense of the words and his vision was blurred with tears. He wasn’t sure who it was that pulled him away from Hanbin but he didn’t have the strength to fight whoever it was, no matter how much he wanted to make sure his friend, _brother,_ was okay.

He felt utterly drained and when the police and paramedics arrived he could barely answer their questions. There was only one he could answer clearly and whoever had their arm wrapped around his shoulder tensed up when he spoke.

“Minsoo attacked us. And he told me himself he attacked Hanbin before, and drugged him even before that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @Ebbzon1
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently what happened today wasn't enough pain for me and I had to go and write this too.   
I'm sorry for this but I'm emo.

No one was saying anything and the silence was killing him. Jiwon was sitting next to Chanwoo, arm wrapped protectively around him but his eyes seemed far away. The youngest had a similar expression on his face and his eyes were still red, a few tears occasionally escaping. Jinhwan wanted to cry too but the tears just weren’t coming, it was like his emotions had shut down while simultaneously running a mile a minute. 

Everything just felt wrong and Jinhwan felt disturbed when he recalled the feeling of dread he’d gotten way before they even left work. Something had tried to warn him but nothing could have prepared him for what they’d come home to. Nothing could have prepared them for the fact that Hanbin was currently being treated for a damn punctured lung by doctors just a few floors above them. 

“Why didn’t we believe him?” Donghyuk asked suddenly, voice quiet and _broken._

No one had an answer to that and Jinhwan could only watch as Yunhyeong pulled the younger in for a tight hug, shoulders shaking slightly and Jinhwan knew the usually strong man’s resolve was finally breaking. Junhoe wasn’t faring much better and it hurt to see them like this. Jinhwan had sworn he’d always be there for them, that they could rely on him and that he’d always protect them. He’d failed them all. 

“We should have believed him.” Jiwon said after a while and Jinhwan felt the guilt that was already too much to handle tenfold within him, because Jiwon was saying nothing but the truth. 

“It’s my fault.” Chanwoo whispered, staring down at his wrapped knuckles, “He tried to tell me, to warn me, but I didn’t listen.”

“None of us did.” Yunhyeong murmured, voice laced with shame.

And it was Jinhwan’s fault, he realised with a gasp and he suddenly felt suffocated staying in the waiting room. He stumbled out of his seat away from the others, ignoring them calling out for him. 

After a few wrong turns he found the bathrooms and locked himself in one of the stalls. His legs felt shaky and he sat down on the toilet, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his head fall into his hands as the tears finally made their escape. Shuddering sobs forced themselves out as he recalled when he told Hanbin his mind had been lying to him. The betrayed look on his face before he excused himself to bed was all the more understandable now. _Because you didn’t understand back then,_ his mind unhelpfully added. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed in there but eventually Jiwon came to get him. He didn’t bother asking if he was okay, they both knew none of them were. It was a few hours later that they were allowed to see Hanbin and Jinhwan couldn’t help but hesitate before entering his room.

This was the third time that Hanbin had ended up here and it was his fault. The memory of Hanbin saying he didn’t remember who attacked him surfaced and he felt a lump form in his throat. He had lied to them and Jinhwan couldn’t fault him for it. He wasn’t sure if they would have believed him if he’d told them the truth.

How fucked up was that? That they’d be more likely to believe Hanbin’s lies than his truths. 

The doctor had warned them that Hanbin was on a ventilator, but it didn’t make the sight any easier to handle. Hanbin looked small on the bed, frail, but he was conscious. Looking at them with almost an apprehensive look in his eyes and the lump grew in Jinhwan’s throat. They couldn’t even ask him how he was feeling, the tube in his mouth hindered him from speaking.

They gathered around the bed, Jiwon took the chair and grabbed one of Hanbin’s hands gently in his and Jinhwan couldn’t be sure if the lack of a grip from Hanbin was due to him being hurt or if it was something else.

“I’m so sorry hyung.” Chanwoo broke the silence and to everyone’s shock he sank to his knees next to the bed, “I am so so sorry.”

Hanbin looked panicked, his free hand reaching out to the youngest but he couldn’t reach him. A whine escaped from him and Jinhwan rushed forward and forced Chanwoo to get to his feet, fortunately he seemed to read the signs correctly and Hanbin calmed down slightly.

“We’re all really sorry.” Yunhyeong said calmly, and Hanbin’s eyes flicked between them, “We should have believed you.”

The beeps heart monitor suddenly sped up and Jinhwan saw tears forming in Hanbin’s eyes. He took a step closer and reached out to wipe them away for him but he flinched back on the bed, turning his face away and Jinhwan’s hand was left hanging uncertainly in the air. The sounds from the monitor continued to speed up, as did Hanbin’s breaths, and Jinhwan had no idea what to do when sobs sounded loudly in the room, sounding slightly distorted and choked off due to the tube down Hanbin’s throat.

A nurse rushed in and took one look at the scene in front of her and a look of understanding crossed her face before she pushed her way past them to kneel next to the bed in front of Hanbin’s face.

“Mr. Kim.” she said clearly, getting Hanbin’s attention, “Do you want them to leave?”

Jinhwan had never thought he could get so hurt by a jerky nod, yet there he was, hurting.

* * *

Hanbin spent a week and a half in the hospital. They’d taken him off the ventilator two days after he was admitted but wanted to keep him for observation in case of any complications and Hanbin didn’t mind it. He didn’t want to see the others.

He had thought he wanted them to know the truth but now that they did, it only made the fact that they hadn’t believed him before hurt even more. He couldn’t even muster up the energy to be angry with them, he just felt sad, and betrayed. There was nothing they could do to change what had happened but Hanbin wasn’t ready to forgive them.

But now he had to go home. His mother wasn’t in the city so he had nowhere else to go. He’d asked their manager for the guys’ schedule and made sure they were out when he came home, that way he’d at least have some time for himself. He’d taken an extra long shower, getting rid of the hospital clean smell he had before going to his room, knowing full and well that he only had a few hours left until the others were back. 

It was both a good and a bad thing that he fell asleep in those few hours. A good thing because he didn’t get consumed by dread and anxiety. A bad thing because that meant he woke up to the sound of someone knocking on his door and opening it, letting themselves inside.

“You’re home.” Jiwon said, voice much quieter than it’d usually be.

“Yeah.” he murmured, sitting up on the bed, watching as Jiwon shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

“Do you want to join us for dinner?”

He wanted to say no but his body decided to turn on him and his stomach growled loudly, making the corner of Jiwon’s lip twitch slightly before his face fell again. 

Hanbin stood up, groaning slightly in pain when he accidently jarred his ribs in the movement, and followed Jiwon into the living room. They’d ordered food and the table was stacked with boxes. They had had dance practice that day and were probably starving.

“How did it go?” he asked casually as Yunhyeong plated him some chicken and rice.

“What?” Junhoe asked, mouth already stuffed.

“Practice. Everything going according to plan?”

“Yeah,” Jinhwan nodded, eyes not quite meeting his, “we miss you there though.”

He missed it too. He hadn’t been able to do any work for what felt like ages and he still wouldn’t be allowed to dance for another month or so. Because of his injuries their comeback had been postponed but Hanbin still wanted to be part of every part of the preparations. He was a perfectionist like that. 

The rest of dinner was filled by awkward small talk and Hanbin desperately searched for an opening to leave. There was a lull in the conversation and he stood up, muttering a quick thanks before taking a step away from the table.

“Bin.” a hand gripped his wrist and he violently jerked out of the hold, looking down to see Yunhyeong looking at him with a hurt and sad expression but when he saw Hanbin looking he schooled his expression, “Please don’t shut us out.”

Hanbin only stared at him before he turned again to leave.

“We need to talk about this!” Jiwon exclaimed and Hanbin turned around to see the older man standing up, walking towards him with none of the hesitation he’d had come to get him in the bedroom.

“What’s there to say?” Hanbin shrugged.

“We need to apologize, properly.” Jiwon said, hand reaching out to rest on his shoulder but Hanbin didn’t want him to touch him and took a quick step back. Hurt looks seemed to be permanent on their faces around him lately. 

“Okay.” he said, “Go ahead, apologize.”

“We should have listened to you.” Chanwoo said as he stood up and the rest followed, “I shouldn’t have taken Minsoo’s word over yours, and I am so sorry.”

Hanbin nodded, not trusting his voice, already feeling tears building in the corners of his eyes. He didn’t want to cry in front of them again.

“I shouldn’t have brought up that theory.” Jinhwan said, voice barely above a whisper but Hanbin could still hear the shame in his voice, “If I hadn’t, it probably wouldn’t have gone so far.”

“And we shouldn’t have listened to him.” Donghyuk added, “We’re so sorry we didn’t believe you.”

“Okay.” Hanbin said and it took everything in him not to let his voice betray all the things he was feeling. 

“That’s it?” Junhoe asked, confusion lacing his voice.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Hanbin shook his head.

“Say you forgive us or curse us out.” Jiwon exclaimed, “Just don’t shut us out, yell at us if you need to.”

“God knows we deserve it.” Junhoe muttered.

“I’m not angry-”

“How can you not be?” Jinhwan questioned and Hanbin just shrugged.

“I’m tired, and hurt.” Hanbin said, hastily wiping away the tear that escaped, “You really thought so low of me. You thought I wouldn’t want each and every one of you to be in a happy relationship?”

“We’re sorry,” Chanwoo said, and he looked close to tears himself, “we should have realised.”

“Yeah, you should have.” he agreed, more tears slipping down his face and he figured it pointless to try and stop them now. 

“Come on dude, what can we do to fix this?” Jiwon asked desperately.

“I don’t know.” his voice broke at the last word and he couldn’t stop himself from sobbing after that.

Through blurry vision he saw Yunhyeong stepping closer, arms outstretched as if to hug him and he wanted to be comforted. But not by the ones who had hurt him and he took a staggering step back before turning around and rushing to his room.

He really didn’t know how things would ever get better from this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do let me know what you think!   
xoxo


	9. Epilogue

It was the little things that helped. Their big apology only served to upset him and they realised that and didn’t try to talk about it again. They did pay attention to him more though, it seemed, because they had figured out his issue with drinking all on their own. They made sure that Hanbin would always see it when a bottle or can was opened before they handed him his drink. They’d whisper comforting words whenever Hanbin got stuck in his memories so that he could come back but didn’t comment otherwise. Yunhyeong seemed to be ridiculously in tune with Hanbin’s sleeping schedule because he was always there when he woke up. If it was from a regular sleep, he was waiting in the kitchen with breakfast being prepared, or if it was a bad night he was there waking him up from his nightmares, holding him as he sobbed and choked. 

Hanbin was still hurt from what had happened but he knew it was all a big misunderstanding, one that shouldn’t have happened, but a misunderstanding nonetheless. He couldn’t really blame them for what had happened but when phantom pains flared up or he was in the midst of a panic attack, he couldn’t help but get angry sometimes. It shouldn’t have happened but it wasn’t like it was the guys were the ones who had wrapped their hands around his throat and kicked him until he broke. He found himself needing to remind himself that it was Minsoo’s fault a lot, that the man was a manipulative sociopath and he had played them all. 

Hanbin supposed he should be happy it was him that Minsoo went after and not one of the others but he could still see that Chanwoo had mental scars too. He looked so guilty constantly and he had been so determined to bring Minsoo to justice once the investigation started that Hanbin was starting to forgive him. He’d talked about how stupid he felt for falling for Minsoo’s lies and Hanbin hadn’t even thought about it when he wrapped his arms around the younger for the first time in what felt like ages. He just needed to comfort his maknae.

Jiwon and Hanbin spent more time in the studio together and it seemed like music was helping to mend their friendship. Junhoe would show him his poems and they all had the same theme; _guilt_ and _apologies._ It wasn’t hard to figure it out and Hanbin appreciated the gesture. 

Donghyuk and Yunhyeong didn’t do anything in particular to amend for their mistakes but Hanbin didn’t hold it against them. They gave him a sense of normalcy even if they were the ones who were the best at calming him down from his nightmares and panic attacks - they were all getting better at it with practice, though it sucked that they even got the opportunity to learn to begin with. 

Jinhwan kept apologizing. The eldest seemed unable to let go of his guilt and one day Hanbin just got tired of it. He wrapped the smaller in his arms and told him he knew he had just been trying to help back then, that none of them could have possibly known just how insane Minsoo was. 

Things weren’t okay and they all knew it would never be the same again, but they were moving forward and Hanbin still believed it would be okay eventually. Because he loved those boys more than anything and despite everything, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that they felt the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy ending but what can you do ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
